summer was beautiful and I hope to have it back one day

The air balmy & hot, as the cicadas shriek. I cross into the next Carolina with my lover in the left ear, her words string together in fragmented phrases, the alcohol weighs down her voice & the signal made it impossible to hear. I hang up the phone so I don’t miss my turn. Wrists in my lap as my fingers pull the wheel as right as it can go, I turn into a graveyard without being aware of it. Like something possessed me to do it, I put my car in park and leave everything, chapstick laid uncapped in my cupholder, phone still lit from directing me rests face down on the cushion of the seat next to mine. I get out and walked amongst the graves. I think I wanted to feel like I was doing something symbolic, but I haven’t figured out what it all means even nine months later. More than anything, I wanted to remember the smell. It was warm and it was haunted, and it didn’t take long for me to feel weird enough to hop back in my car, slam the door real quick and drive before I had relearned the way. Adjusting my phone again, the adrenaline form the excursion pumped through my veins.

I had about an hour to go before I had my lover in my arms; her name is Morgan. I was parked outside Sean’s house, all their guts sunk with Jack Daniel’s & sweet tea. I was greeted by Morgan the second my shoe touched ground, glass in hand, she stumbled into me and I kissed her face. Arm in arm, we make it to the back where the fire overlooked the lake and her friends embraced me. They hugged me like it was the first time they had in years and I had never felt so welcome. The lake glittered in the dark and I felt stupid in my sweatshirt so I took it off, the humidity wrapped around my shoulders. We laughed on the porch and all of a sudden, I cut Morgan’s friends hair, one by one, sat in a high chair facing the bathroom sink. Hands shaking, my fingers were by all of their necks, scissors so close they could smell the metal. I felt important.

Asleep before I knew it in the bedroom closest to the front door, I woke up in a cold sweat. Had the fear that I had stained the satin pillows pink, my roots newly colored salmon. It was the third time I had ever had hair this shade. Morgan rolled over and the memories collected themselves: I had spent the night in awe. It was a beautiful summer.